It's still hard from me to believe that I could get to where I am today from where I was. I was 47 years year old, alone and unemployed. I spent mostly every day drinking and smoking pot in my dirty bathrobe watching reruns on TV inside my darkened apartment. I was hopeless but didn't know it.
The miracle began for me when, as I was running out of money, the thought that I might need some help (not for a drinking problem, mind you) was able to penetrate the six feet thick reinforced concrete walls of denial.
I went to a therapist and proclaimed that I was having a midlife crisis but, thankfully, she saw right through me. She didn't mince any words. "You have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old, you don't have an ounce of humility in your whole body, and your brain is so cloudy from your daily drinking that you cannot hope to get any clarity on your life." I was shocked. Then she looked deep into my eyes and said, "you're in trouble, aren't you?" My ego fought hard against admitting any weakness. Finally I whispered "maybe." From that tiny surrender to this day the miracles have been coming non-stop.
I quickly found my way to treatment
and to Alcoholics Anonymous and the desire to drink was removed immediately.
It was in my first AA meeting that I felt that I had come home for the
first time. I was given the gift of willingness and have been willing to
do what was suggested ever since. Consequently, I have grown and changed
and life just keeps getting better.