I am coming to believe that I am not the Source but a channel or a pipe through which the power and beauty of the Source flows. This thought makes my ego go crazy as my ego's job seems to be to convince me that I am totally self sufficient and I don’t need anyone or anything helping me along. My ego keeps telling me that my old ideas and old ways are best.
At the roots of my character defects are fears and insecurities. These roots block my channel and the Love can't fully flow through me. The price I pay to hold onto these fears and insecurities is my personal happiness.
Most of my sobriety I've been zipping through Step Seven, asking God to remove my defects in character in the same manner I might ask you to "please pass the potatoes." Consequently, I've still got them. Perhaps they are not as destructive today as they were when fueled with alcohol or drugs, but they are there for sure. I do not believe my life is as happy as it could be because of these defects.
Today the full challenge of Step Seven is being revealed to me. Humility is a sincere desire to be changed. Humility is the process of becoming fully aware of my character defects: the causes, conditions and the costs of continuing to hold on to each one. Humility is coming to the realization that I don't have the power to change myself. Humility is sincerely asking for help from the depth of my being.
Self pity or beating me up for not
being further down the path in my spiritual development opposes humility.
Humility is having the faith to “let go and let God”, trusting that whatever
He decides to make out of me will be beautiful and much better than I could
make out of myself.