Yesterday I was stunned by a major business setback. The carpet was yanked out from under me and my future plans have gone up in smoke. I didn't sleep well last night as I went immediately to the emotional black hole with the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" tapes playing non-stop. It's the unhealed place of guilt and shame. I'm really shaky and unless I pay attention, my mind keeps wandering back to this fearful place.
The thing that has helped me this morning is to remember that God loves me (and you) and there was never a time when he didn't. The pain that I'm feeling is really an indication that I've separated myself from Him. That one more time, I fell into the illusion that I know what I need and that I could control my life.
It is the pain that reminds me that
I am not in charge and that I really don't know what I need. It is
the pain that empties me of my old ideas and carries me to the place where
God is waiting. In my pain I find forgiveness and I can, in turn, forgive.