I was an emotional, mental and spiritual mess by the time I arrived at the AA doorstep at age 47. I hadn't an ounce of humility. I had the maturity of a teenager and my thinking processes were so cloudy from 30 years of daily drinking, that I couldn't hope to see much of anything the way it really was. I was hyper sensitive to criticism of any kind and this sensitivity drove me toward perfectionism. My internal message was that if I did everything perfectly I wouldn't be criticized. Every time I failed a being perfect I pushed down more shame and guilt. No wonder I drank!
So sensitive was I to criticism, if AA had said my drinking problem was purely a "problem of mental control" and that I was somehow to blame, I'd have found my way to the door.
The Doctor's Opinion let me off one hook... I have an allergy. I don't metabolize alcohol like "normal" drinkers. I have a physical problem, not a will power problem ... but unto another. I also have a deeply rooted obsession to drink and the only way to remove this obsession is to have "ideals that are grounded in a power greater that myself." Today, through practicing the 12 Steps to the best of my ability, the obsession to use alcohol and drugs as the solution has been removed from me.