I believe I have a perfect spiritual core at the very center of my being. Here the weather is always beautiful. There is abundance, prosperity, unlimited creativity and perfect peace. It is a place of equality and harmony. There is no fear, therefore there is no effort, strain or struggle. I don't have to hold on to anyone or anything because in this place I have everything I need to be happy, joyous and free.
As I grew, layers of guilt and shame began to separate me from this place. Alcohol made this separation bearable for many years, but toward the end it began to magnify the fears rather than blot them out -- anxiety, restlessness and discontent felt normal to me.
I like the AA analogy of the onion.
As I continue to practice the Steps and grow in this program, layer by
layer of this guilt, shame and fear is revealed. By understanding
the causes and conditions of my character defects, I have a chance, with
God's help to eliminate these blocks to my full experience of the beautiful
life that lies within me.