All I ever wanted from life was to be happy. I mistakenly concluded that comfort was the key to happiness so I became addicted to comfort. I pursued comfort in all manner of ways: making money, acquiring things, jobs, power, success, marriage, etc. Each of these things worked for a while, but sooner or later I was uncomfortable again and off looking for the next thing that would fix me.
Discomfort made me thirsty. For more than 30 years alcohol and drugs gave me comfort. Finally I crossed the invisable line into alcoholism. I lost contact with the truth about who I was and what I was becoming. I switched from liking to drink to living to drink to drinking to live. My addiction to comfort doomed me to an alcoholic death.
Then at age 47, for reasons I cannot explain, my higher power graced me with a moment of clarity that led me to Alcoholics Anonymous -- I gained a daily reprieve.
Today I can report that little by little I've been able to give up my addiction to comfort in order to gain a foothold on recovery. It has not been comfortable for me to look honestly at myself, to share my inner most secrets with God and another human being, to admit when I am wrong and to make amends. Today it is still mostly uncomfortable to do these things, but it is getting easier. In fact, sometimes it is downright exciting!
I heard once that pain is caused
not by change, but by resistance to change. If I'm in pain today it's a
sure sign that I'm once again in a comfort zone and resisting change on
some level. Fortunately the program of Alcoholics Anonymous offers me a
way out of the comfort zone and back into the beauty and excitement of
living life on life's terms.